Remorse is the Greatest Suffering
by DoroTastesLikeDinosaur
Summary: Leo contemplates about everything he did in his life and he knows that there will be no hope for himself and Elliot. He dragged Elliot into everything horrid and all he can feel is remorse. Remorse to no end. *Major Spoilers up to Chapter 58*


_Most of this is just Leo contemplating about everything in his life and his past and what has happened so far in his life that he regrets._

_WARNING; This fanfic has MAJOR spoilers up to chapter 58 and contains large amounts of angst._

_I almost cried when I was writing this fanfic and reading chapter 58. ;w; I swear, Pandora Hearts will rip my heart out with all the tragedy with Leo and Elliot. ;_;_

_I hope you guys enjoy the story and yay for first fanfic on . :D_

_Anyways, I don't own Pandora Hearts, it belongs to Jun Mochizuki._

Leo knew that this was going to be bad. Ever since he had ever accepted Elliot as more than a mere acquaintance, he knew it was going to go all wrong.

Elliot was the reason Leo lived. The only joys in Leo's life were the piano, reading, and the kids at the orphange; nothing else gave him happyness. How many times Leo had thought of possibily killing himself because of his meager existence. He would always stop himself, thinking that no, he had the kids in the orphanage, they needed him. But those were only excuses. He knew it deep down that the kids could survive on their own without him and that he was just another kid at the orphanage. Maybe thinking that the kids needed him was just an excuse for him to still live. He didn't know.

There was another problem, though. The things that would always haunt him. The silhouettes of the men that clouded his mind and his thoughts. He hated them. He hated who he was. Every night he slept they would be there, telling him who he was and what he should be doing. His flaws in his life and what he'd eventually do to the people he loved. It drove him crazy. He thought that he was going to eventually go insane with them in his mind. He would always try to ignore them, push them away from his mind and go on with his daily life. Slowly, they began to fade away and stop showing in his mind and dreams. He thought it was all gone and his life was back to it's mundane normality.

Oh, how he had been wrong.

Leo noticed that some of the kids' behavior had changed slightly over the time that they had been in the ophanage. He didn't think of it too much; some kids were bound to change a little from getting abandoned by their parents and what not. They all seemed to have forgotten events. One of the kids had wanted to cut Leo's hair but he hurt the child, hitting him and making him cry. Leo apologized to him right after the staff of the orphanage looked after him but he asked, "For what are you apologizing for?" and went about his life, like nothing had happened. It confused Leo. Did the child forget it? He mused over if maybe he had done some sort of brain damage to the child but while observing him for a while, he saw that there wasn't anything wrong with the child. It confused Leo even more. What had happened? After a few months, Leo had gotten used of all the kids forgetting certain events but it still chilled him.

A few months later, Elliot arrived. Elliot brightened Leo's life when he had came, even though he found the noble to be highly annoying at first. Elliot had gotten Leo to look forward to something every day and Leo had gotten to talk to someone he could relate to for music and reading. He found he could do other stuff and just talk to Elliot, and his world had gotten a lot better. Brighter. Out of his dark shell of an existence. Every little terrifying thing that Leo had experienced in his past vanished from his mind and all he saw was happyness and friendship.

Leo loved to tease and get on Elliot's nerves. It amused him how the teenage noble would get angry over such little things and how Elliot was so pushy and stubborn. Leo was absolutely happy. He had started to grow a huge attachment to the noble and started to think of him as a friend. A friend. Something Leo had never had.

Leo had been bursting in joy when Elliot had asked to be his servant but was also a little surprised. _Why would he want someone like me to be his servant?_ he had thought, thinking what Elliot had asked was absurd. He rejected Elliot, thinking that he would never be anything good of a servant. But he ended up saying yes. He was able to be and serve someone he cherished the most in life and even be able to hide even deeper into his shell of who he really was; he was able to wear glasses. Leo had never been happier in his whole life. He was beaming with life.

Elliot's family strongly disagreed with having Leo as his servant. Leo understood, he was from an orphanage with no training to be a servant or any knowledge of how to serve and nor did Elliot's family approve of someone like him. Elliot's older brothers, especially Ernest, had never really liked him much on the visits that they made to the orphanage. Leo had never bothered to get to know them since he was deep into his own world. Elliot's family wanted to pick their own personal servant from their own liking, not one from an orphanage. Leo did not care much for it, knowing that Elliot was too stubborn to think of getting a different servant and Leo knew that Elliot wanted a servant for whom he could see for as an equal, someone to talk to and have the same respect that Elliot himself gains from others. Leo found it a little flattering but didn't know if he truly deserved it.

Then the day came when everything fell apart, when Leo knew that because of who he was, he would never deserve anyone, that he should have never existed.

Some kids had went down to the underground ruins that connected to the orphanage without permission and it was Leo and Elliot that were to search for them. Right when Leo had went down there with Elliot, he knew that something was wrong. The air was entirely different and the feelings he got when they went deeper into the ruins gave him horrid chills. What shook him to the core was when he had found the dead children with Elliot. Leo shivered and every fibre of his being was telling him to run but he stayed, not wanting to abandon Elliot or the other children that might be still alive. He heared cries from afar and had started to run, finding a child that he remebered to be named Helen. "Helen, what happened?" Leo asked, trying to sound calm.

"John started to act weird and then..."

Leo's named was screamed with such urgency and fear, that Leo saw everything in slow motion. Elliot had already started running towards him, sword in hand, looking up at the monstrosity that Leo knew had something to do with him. Then the thing that Leo thought would never happen to him or to the friend he most cherished happened right before his eyes. Elliot was hanging before him, a sharp, bloodied tongue penetrating his chest. "E...Elliot...?" Leo whispered, his voice barely audible.

"Stop...STOP IT!" Leo's hoarse voice pierced the air, filling the air with his anguished cry. The tongue slipped away, making Elliot's body fall and made a horrible thump sound that made Leo want to cry.

"E-Elliot..." he sobbed as he dragged himself towards him, trying with all his might not to fall into a mental breakdown of emotion. He saw the round monster over the rocks and he put himself infront of Elliot. _Even if Elliot will die, I'll know that I saved a little more time for him to live, even if it means that I have to die, too._ Leo thought. "Relax, that thing won't attack you" said a horribly familiar voice and Leo knew that his life was going to be even worse than he ever imagined it to be.

The silhouetted figures had burst everywhere, talking to him like they did all those months ago, when he thought that his life was finally going back to how it was. All they were saying, all the things that they were accusing Leo of, he didn't want to hear it. He wanted to ignore them again but they didn't go away. He was getting angry, impatient, and horribly frustrated.

"Do you want to save his life?"

The voice echoed in Leo's mind and a small flicker of hope burst inside him. "You...you can do that...?" he asked, shaking and scared. _Elliot can still live? He can still be ali-_

"We cannot heal the wounds but we can seal them." the silhouetted man said. Leo's flicker of hope died down a little but he still held on. "Take the blood of the creature and let the boy drink it and make him say it's name."

"It's name...?"

" We are sorry, but we have long forgotten the name of the creature, so you will have to make up it's name."

_It's name..._

Leo thought of something that could possibly be a fitting name for the monster. To think hurt Leo but he didn't care; it was all to save his master, his cherished friend, the only person he had; Elliot.

The name popped into his mind and he said it right away, not caring what it was called, just wanting to hurry so that he could save the one person he loved. "Humpty Dumpty...?"

Leo poured the blood into Elliot's mouth, slightly revolted by the idea that Elliot had to drink the creature's blood. Elliot started coughing and regained consciousness. "Leo...what did you...make me drink...?" he asked, his voice weak and raspy. "Are...you alright? W-what...about the children...?"

Elliot's words hit Leo hard. Even through everything that Elliot was going through, he did not care one bit for what he was in. He only cared for the others and Leo himself. Leo started to cry. _Please don't think or care about me. I'm just a lowly being, please...please, Elliot..._

"Elliot, call it's name, 'Humpty Dumpty'." Leo said in his most strained voice, trying so hard not to sob and break down in front of Elliot.

"It's name...?"

"Yes, come on-"

The silhouetted man grabbed Leo's arm, and started saying the things that Leo never wanted to hear. The things that Leo wanted to push away from his life after all of it finished and to forget about. The man's words hit him hard, too hard. "That thing was drawn by your presense. That boy foolishly risked his life to save you and that creature was only following it's instict to protect you. You were the cause of all this. Just because you saved his life does not mean you have saved him. Do not forget that you did this!" the man roared and Leo was going to scream. He was going to scream and his life was to never be the same again. For an instant he thought that he should maybe just have Elliot die and then kill himself. But Leo's selfishness got in the way.

"ELLIOT! SAY THE NAME!" Leo's hoarse, anguished scream again pierced the air and Leo felt himself get crushed into a million pieces so little, that he thought he was never going to be himself again.

And now, as Leo's sitting on the stone cold floor, his tears never ending, as Elliot, slumped down in agony as he regains his memories, Leo wonders, _Will I finally die? Will I finally be punished for the horrid things I've done? I'm a selfish coward and no matter who I'm with, they shall always suffer. Elliot surely will die now...so that means, I can die, too._ Deep down Leo knows that there is no hope for either him or Elliot anymore. That no matter how selfish or cowardly Leo will be, nothing can save them.


End file.
